


Broken

by dreamsanddistractions



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Death, Depression, M/M, and it's not redeeming at all, it's sad, suicide TW, this type of death never is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2016-01-21
Packaged: 2018-05-15 07:58:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5777668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamsanddistractions/pseuds/dreamsanddistractions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A life is always worth trying to save.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> This is my first fic, and I wrote this at a really weird part in my life. I shared it with a friend who encouraged me to share it on the internet. It's choppy and ugly but I don't know that I wrote this for it to be "good", yknow.
> 
> This is for the boys who left myself and my friends too soon. I miss you both.

It seems easier and easier to fade into the background. To fall further and further into the shadows, hide your face in the crevices of what you once were and what you’ll never be again.

 

It’s hard to realize that it’s easy. It’s hard to realize that fading isn’t impossible because no one looks long enough at you to realize you left a long time ago.

 

That’s when you start to crave touch, to want an emotional connection that lasts _for once_ , that sticks with you and helps you grow into something new and beautiful, to feel whole and wanted again. You start to want something you never knew you missed.

 

 

Hajime did. He just didn’t know it.

 

* * *

 

After losing the Spring High, life went into a quiet lull for Hajime. There were no practices for him anymore, so there was less of a reason to see his now former teammates, Oikawa included. Hajime found himself walking home alone more often than not, Oikawa and the rest getting caught up in studies for college entrance exams and life in general. Walks home were his least favorite, especially when he was alone. His thoughts seemed to get louder with each step he took along the pavement.

 

 _Why am I here? Why does it matter? I can’t do anything worthwhile, not like I ever have._ Hajime could never get these thoughts to leave, even with friends and family surrounding him. They were a plague, constantly berating him for past mistakes, for being a compilation of broken parts trying too hard to appear whole, for not being worthy, for not being _enough_.

 

His feet led him through his front door, movements sluggish and automatic as his conscience continued to beat him down. “It’d just be easier for everyone if I were gone,” Hajime whispers to himself, taking the stairs to his room one at a time, the idea of eternal sleep becoming far more ideal with each step.

 

 _But what about my parents? My sister? Would they miss me,_ Hajime thought to himself.

 

_What about Oikawa? He would miss me, right?_

 

 

Hajime sighed. “That idiot needs me to keep him from getting too big of a head.”

 

* * *

 

Hajime had a hard time dealing with his own demons, more so than he ever led on. His fears seeped into his veins like poison, slow and steady, barely traceable even if you knew what to look for. After Spring High ended, his dread was injected into his system, consuming him whole. Broken, shattered, _useless_. That’s how Hajime felt. He was no ace. He was nothing but a failure, not only to his team, but to the one person he cared for most.

 

Tooru.

 

The darkness consumed him, made him a shell of who he was, who he wanted to be.

 

Tooru didn’t even know who he was anymore. But Tooru didn’t care.

 

 

He was going to save him.

 

* * *

 

He started with soft kisses on palms, sweet words whispered on fingertips, gentle hands running along arms and through hair. If Hajime couldn’t see the beauty that was Iwaizumi Hajime, Tooru was determined to show him. He started slow, weaving his way into the deepest crevices that made up Hajime, down to his broken soul.

 

Tooru loved Hajime, from the crinkles by his eyes when he smiled without a care in the world, to the gasps that left his lips when Tooru kissed his inner thigh.

 

And Hajime loved him, loved the way his eyes sparkled in the sunlight when he found something truly intriguing, the way Tooru whispered his name like a prayer.

 

Together they rebuilt Hajime, piece by piece, gluing each fragment with steady hands, soft kisses, smiles brighter than sunshine, and gentle murmurs of _Let me protect you_ in place of _I love you_.

 

Hajime was content. He was finally happy, feeling better, feeling whole again.

 

If only for a moment.

 

* * *

 

There was an accident.

 

It was nothing major, no fatalities, almost everyone got out with scratches, minor burns and bruises.

 

 _Almost everyone_.

 

Everyone except Tooru.

 

Hajime had seen it all, sitting in the driver’s seat as Tooru went on excitedly about his day. He had not seen the car. And apparently, the oncoming car had not seen him either.

 

There was a sickening crack and suddenly the entire car lurched towards the right, skidding to a stop just by the sidewalk. The car had hit Tooru head on, and during all the chaos Hajime could not see the extent of the damage.

 

He wished he never had.

 

Tooru’s left leg was completely broken, almost severed off completely. His left arm had several deep gashes from the metal that bent in from the impact. His whole left side looked bruised and broken and bleeding in some shape or form.

 

“Hajime? Hajime are you okay? Please tell me you’re okay.”

 

Tooru’s eyes welled with tears as Hajime came closer to his hospital bed. He nodded.

 

“ _Oh my god,_ I thought we were goners. I’m so glad your safe. I’m so glad you’re okay,” Tooru sobbed, right hand gripping Hajime’s shirt as if his life depends on it, head buried in the crook of Hajime’s neck.

 

Hajime sat there numb, unshed tears lining his eyes as he lightly held Tooru.

 

He failed him again. He was not able to protect him. He was just as useless as before.

 

 

In reality, nothing had changed.

 

* * *

 

“You don’t need me here. Tooru it’s okay. I was fading into the background anyways. You were always the brighter star. I’m useless– “

 

“Don’t say that. You don’t get to say you’re not important to me, that I don’t need you. Not after what _just happened_.”

 

“Well, it’s too late for me anyways,” Hajime whispers. The blood is seeping through his clothes, the bullet wound fresh and fatal. Tooru had gotten home just in time to move the gun from his head, but not in time to stop him from pulling the trigger. There is blood everywhere and, _oh god,_ is his breathing getting shallower?

 

_He’s not going to make it._

 

“Hajime! Hajime you can’t do this to me! I love you, please, _please_ , why would you want to leave me? I promised to save you, _why can’t you let me save you?_ ”

 

“People try to fade into the darkness all the time, every day. You can’t save them all. But Tooru? I love you. Thanks for trying.”

 

 

Tooru choked on a sob, and suddenly the light in Hajime’s eyes were gone.

**Author's Note:**

> Cathartic. That's the word. That's what this was for me.
> 
> Thanks for reading.


End file.
